Reality slowly begins to nudge us, showing that what surrounds us is merely a reflection of what is inside us.
Conscious and thoughtful people, of course, have already considered this idea. Yet, even they (or we) lack direct evidence that this is exactly how it works. We only have circumstances, which “realists” readily call “coincidences.” Meanwhile, psychologists are well aware that as soon as you start to cleanse your inner self—your consciousness, understanding, beliefs, etc.—your reality begins to change. Sometimes, it changes quite dramatically. And no, it’s not a coincidence.
I’m experiencing this very intensely in my own life right now. However, the topic is so fascinating and the “material” of the research so elusive that even when the parallels between internal and external changes are clear, it’s not always easy to draw a direct link between the specific internal transformations that are causing certain external changes.
For example, over the past year, if not a complete change in the composition of my friends, at least a significant transformation has taken place. Some people have completely dropped off—people I never thought would leave my life so suddenly. It’s as if what was written in this article became true: “At the first attempts to assert your needs and establish personal boundaries, some of the closest people will go into a rage: ‘Look at you, so smart now!’” In my case, there is simply no understanding that I, too, have worth, that I have a sense of self-worth, and that I exist not only to serve or entertain others. And this is referring to friends, not romantic relationships.
Two very close people left my life. Other relationships have undergone transformations through the establishment of boundaries and agreements, which, as a result, have become stronger, while some have weakened. Additionally, some relationships that were once pleasant acquaintances have begun to show potential for developing into close, strong friendships. In general, I’ve reconsidered my relationships with almost everyone I interact with.
I’ve developed a more flexible understanding of my friendship circles, which has become more defined. Before, it was either “all or nothing”—either a friend for life, to the point of brotherhood, or no one. Now, I’m cultivating a new system: there are close people with a greater degree of trust, those who are further away but still pleasant to interact with, and friends who are nice but with whom there is no special closeness. This is a rough categorization, of course; everything is individual. In each specific case, the approach depends on the person’s personality, and the relationship with them is unique, not subject to a system.
At the same time, despite the fact that I clearly see the profound changes I’ve gone through over the past year—some initiated by me, some imposed by life circumstances—the fact remains that I was shaken up a lot (sometimes forcibly). As a result, many changes have occurred in my life. But what exactly my internal changes led to, especially the dramatic shifts in my circle of friends, I don’t know. Honestly, I didn’t consciously work much on self-esteem. But in reality, I did work on it, because I’m no longer willing to tolerate the antics of people I once cared for deeply and considered friends.
There have been many other changes, both internal and external. But the essence is that my internal state acts like a color filter: whatever color it turns, it colors everything around me. In light of this, I’m left wondering:
Is everything around me really what it seems? Or is what I think is around me actually inside me?
