…how we see the world — not what the world puts under the Christmas tree for us.
We are so dependent on external conditions. One moment, something isn’t right; the next, we feel something’s missing. And we get so angry that this doesn’t get fixed or that doesn’t arrive — because our happiness is tied to this and that. I’m not saying anything new, but for me, understanding this has recently reached a whole new level. Maybe it’s because life has already crossed the halfway point — I don’t know. But now I can clearly see how we spend our whole lives chasing everything that might make us happy. And when we don’t get it, we sulk. We complain. We talk about how unfair life is.
But the real problem isn’t that something is missing. It’s that we’re so used to sulking and complaining — it’s become a habit. Even if we finally get everything we once dreamed of, we still won’t be happy. Not for long. Maybe for a month. Maybe two. And then — if we’re still stuck in the habit of unhappiness — that old tar seeps back into the honey. And before you know it, the sweetness is gone.
Any joy gets poisoned, warped, devoured by a mind that’s used to sulking. I know that sounds intense. But it’s exactly how it feels.
I’m more and more convinced that no external circumstances can turn life into a fairytale if our internal ones are set in the opposite direction. It has to start inside. At any age. Even a very young one. And in adulthood, honestly, this should be basic. An adult should’ve already figured out this one simple thing:
Happiness is a choice
Happiness is not the choice to seek out joyful moments. It’s not “Pollyanna,” where you try to ignore what disturbs you, pretend you don’t see it, and act like everything is fine. That is justifying negativity with attempts to view things positively. Happiness is the choice not to torment your mind, no matter what happens. Happiness is choosing to stop living in the past and dragging it along with you every day, trying to suffer in advance over what terrible future might await. Neither of these things ever exists. There is only the present moment. And another thing – all emotions are valid. Sadness, joy, sorrow, anger – they all have their place. The key is not letting your mind get stuck in them, spiraling back into the past, or running to the future with thoughts of how awful everything will inevitably be.
Happiness is the enjoyment of the present moment, in which everything necessary is always present.
There is one condition that could, in principle, serve as an argument against what I’ve just said, and that condition is severe physical suffering. When pain overwhelms the body, it’s hard to think or not think. But I have a response to this and an answer to a potential debate. There is a film I Am, directed by Tom Shadyac, a well-known Hollywood director who made films like Ace Ventura and Bruce Almighty, among others. Tom suffered an injury that led to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Many people have great difficulty coping with this condition, and some even reach the point of suicide. I, too, occasionally experience it with my broken leg. Sometimes it simply hurts to walk, and I love walking and going for long walks. Now, long walks are completely unavailable to me, and short ones are often filled with pain that never fades, and no footwear can fix it. Surprisingly, this rarely bothers my mind. My mind, always eager for something to suffer over, knows how to use this situation.
So, Tom was on the verge of suicide. But for him, his PTSD became the door to an amazing project. Tom made a film that I believe everyone on Earth should watch. If you have the chance, definitely watch it, and you will understand why I brought his story as an example. Watch this film especially if you use physical pain as an excuse to not choose happiness.
When the mind is backed into a corner, and it’s either the end or a leap, the leap must be made – in that corner, a door will always open to a new dimension, to a new cycle of development. I believe this.
Our consciousness makes it either this or that. What’s missing? Relationships? Maybe there are no bad relationships – that’s also a positive. “If your bride leaves you, you never know who’s actually lucky.” I have so much.
I liked a phrase I recently read: “As soon as you start thinking that your happiness would be much better if something were added, you immediately stop being happy.” Happiness, the feeling of fulfillment (of existence, life) is a very subjective concept. And it can absolutely be felt in any situation – any at all. And when there’s so much – here I am, driving around Florida in a nice car, dipping my feet in the Atlantic, enjoying the tropical beauty, while my friends in Moscow are freezing, poor things…
Everything is relative. I enjoy what I have. I don’t have many of the things others have, but they don’t have some things that I have. Why choose to suffer from what we lack when we can easily choose to be happy with what we have? This is the art I’ve been mastering for several years. And I (I hope) am getting closer to mastering this art.
Happiness is internal
Happiness is a set of inner preconditions. It’s not what the world gives — it’s how we choose to see the world.
And one more thing: happiness is work. The work of maintaining and deepening our awareness. Because it’s frighteningly easy to slip back into sulking. And once we’re in it, the whole world looks different — dangerous, hostile, unfair. That state pulls us deeper into itself. But it leads nowhere.
The way out of that state — the moment you realize that happiness can’t be found from the outside while you’re still wearing the sulking suit — that’s the beginning of freedom.
And when you intend to be happy — truly happy — the world starts to look like a gift again.
It’s not always easy. Because awareness is work.
But it’s a joyful road to walk.
