You know how it goes: you read something, you think you understand it, you intellectually grasp it, like, for example, that childhood traumas can affect us throughout our lives, you see how it works, but it doesn’t quite sink in completely, it doesn’t become part of your foundational knowledge, your understanding of life.
I had two beliefs, each of which seemed very logical to me. Both were confirmed by my life experience and other less significant understandings of the world. But they didn’t seem to work together; there was no logic in their connection. I was torn between these two beliefs, periodically switching from one to the other, not fully aware of this process.
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